[MADOKA SPOILERS]
ppl sometimes miss all of what sayaka miki was goin through that turned her into a witch and it’s not just boy stuff so here’s a list cuz she’s brilliant:
the train scene:
it’s a way bigger deal than it might seem; there’s a reason she becomes a witch right after
- predation on innocence; the scene is about predation on people like her (sincere, good-willed, loyal, etc)
- loss of innocence
- violent disruption of her justice-oriented worldview
- moral distress b/c she can’t fix the situation (neither force nor appeal to morality)
- even getting rid of the dudes doesn’t heal the victims or mean they weren’t taken advantage of
- sexual exploitation/womanizing is genuinely horrible and shocking
- the callousness
- ppl using peace+safety to hurt others when she’s fighting hard to create that peace+safety
- ideological dysphoria: the shock to your own identity when you suddenly arent motivated by or faithful to your core values, often due to feeling dead inside/intense pain.
[aside: i had a “train scene” of my own. it remains one of the most painful experiences ive ever had.see my essay on moral distress: http://octagonsun.com/moral-distress-a-systemic-issue-in-l2-teaching/… moral distress is serious: trauma symptoms arising when a person cant act according to their moral beliefs, esp when they witness profound hurt and cant help. really common in helper jobs like teaching&nursing. ruins lives]
other big events:
- ptsd from witnessing mami’s murder
- being intentionally misled to believe she could be strong enough to make the world better and then being particularly weak as a meguca – body dysphoria due to “zombification” (separation of soul from body)
- kyubey intentionally manipulating her emotions & exposing her to toxic experiences b/c that’s its intent from the beginning – traumatic physical pain&injury, including kyoko fights and witch fights (even if it physically heals, the memory of intense pain doesnt just disappear)
- and of course, the boy problems. she doesn’t feel worthy to stand up for herself b/c of zombification, doesn’t believe she’s capable of love (deeply disturbing), tension between wanting to let hitomi pursue happiness at her expense & stand up for herself (honestly hitomi isn’t a v good friend here, but it’d be normal middle school drama if not for the rest)
- kyubey tries to separate her from emotional support
all this happens over a short period. every one of these is hard to absorb emotionally+possibly shattering. but we don’t have an adult here; it’s a kid dealing with all this, with little guidance or nurture. sayaka miki is full of strength and good. she’s a wonderful child. but that breaks under intense, intentional duress and it’s totally unfair to hold that against her.
[Originally written for twitter]