Tag Archives: madoka

sayaka miki is good and deserves the world and her story is very sad and ppl often kinda miss what’s going on so im gonna talk about how much was hurting her :(

[MADOKA SPOILERS]

ppl sometimes miss all of what sayaka miki was goin through that turned her into a witch and it’s not just boy stuff so here’s a list cuz she’s brilliant:

the train scene:

it’s a way bigger deal than it might seem; there’s a reason she becomes a witch right after

  • predation on innocence; the scene is about predation on people like her (sincere, good-willed, loyal, etc)
  • loss of innocence
  • violent disruption of her justice-oriented worldview
  • moral distress b/c she can’t fix the situation (neither force nor appeal to morality)
  • even getting rid of the dudes doesn’t heal the victims or mean they weren’t taken advantage of
  • sexual exploitation/womanizing is genuinely horrible and shocking
  • the callousness
  • ppl using peace+safety to hurt others when she’s fighting hard to create that peace+safety
  • ideological dysphoria: the shock to your own identity when you suddenly arent motivated by or faithful to your core values, often due to feeling dead inside/intense pain.

[aside: i had a “train scene” of my own. it remains one of the most painful experiences ive ever had.see my essay on moral distress: http://octagonsun.com/moral-distress-a-systemic-issue-in-l2-teaching/… moral distress is serious: trauma symptoms arising when a person cant act according to their moral beliefs, esp when they witness profound hurt and cant help. really common in helper jobs like teaching&nursing. ruins lives]

other big events:

  • ptsd from witnessing mami’s murder
  • being intentionally misled to believe she could be strong enough to make the world better and then being particularly weak as a meguca – body dysphoria due to “zombification” (separation of soul from body)
  • kyubey intentionally manipulating her emotions & exposing her to toxic experiences b/c that’s its intent from the beginning – traumatic physical pain&injury, including kyoko fights and witch fights (even if it physically heals, the memory of intense pain doesnt just disappear)
  • and of course, the boy problems. she doesn’t feel worthy to stand up for herself b/c of zombification, doesn’t believe she’s capable of love (deeply disturbing), tension between wanting to let hitomi pursue happiness at her expense & stand up for herself (honestly hitomi isn’t a v good friend here, but it’d be normal middle school drama if not for the rest)
  • kyubey tries to separate her from emotional support

all this happens over a short period. every one of these is hard to absorb emotionally+possibly shattering. but we don’t have an adult here; it’s a kid dealing with all this, with little guidance or nurture. sayaka miki is full of strength and good. she’s a wonderful child. but that breaks under intense, intentional duress and it’s totally unfair to hold that against her.

[Originally written for twitter]